Friday, October 29, 2010

Relationship sabotage - THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG, ONLY WHAT YOU WANT! - NOTE

THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG, ONLY WHAT YOU WANT

That's one of the core ideas I want to share!

Very often there is a moral belief that the only valid relationship model is marriage or committed relationship and that anything else doesn't count!

Yeah! Right??!!

Of course, not!

There is no right or wrong!

We live in a world of freedom and endless possibilities and probably 80% of relationships in the west nowadays don't follow a traditional marriage model.

It's either you or your partner was married before and has children from another marriage.

Or you are experiencing with open relationships and polyamory.

Or you are single and happy.

Etc.

The point is that most relationships don't actually follow the traditional one marriage model.

Does it mean that all the rest doesn't really count???

Of course not!

It counts!

It is valid!

You can experience any of these other models with total joy and fulfillment every single day of your life.

What you experience in these new relationship models is REAL and COMPLETE if it was you want.

Of course, you might need to navigate some challenges associated with that specific model but the model IS valid!

I am always amazed for instance by how frequently the word commitment-phobic is used.

Non commitment is a POSITIVE CHOICE for most people I know!!

It is not some form of mental disorder!

It is a valid life choice!

And... It doesn't need to be fixed! It is perfect the way it is!

Of course, if you prefer staying free and don't want to commit to someone, that person will often pressure you and label you. They will try to diminish and give you some form of syndrome label!

Now, why would people do that?

Because they have an agenda and your vision doesn't match theirs.

So, they will try to destroy your plan with syndrome like labels.

In other terms, what they say is:

"You have a problem! Go and fix it so that you can fit in MY plan!"

Here is the thing:

BOTH PLANS ARE VALID!

They simply don't match!

Rather than labeling the other person with syndrome labels, how about putting themselves in the other person's shoes and saying things like:

"I perfectly see why you want to stay free... The idea of being in a committed relationship might feel limiting because it doesn't give you enough space for personal growth and life exploration! I totally get your point."

Now the one who does not want to commit and stay free could say:

"Yes! I totally get the idea that you want stability and steadiness to create a family and that your father instincts are kicking in. You want a woman you can trust and who will be totally faithful and committed to this relationship. I totally understand why you feel these needs! They are real and beautiful desires"

See how it works?

Respect!