I AM AFRAID
Let's take this example and understand how the sabotage defence mechanism can hold you back.
Suppose that the core emotion that triggers sabotage is fear.
This fear is triggered because years ago, you asked a guy out and he rejected you.
It happened once, years ago, and you still feel it.
This is the exact "traumatic event" that triggers now the sabotage pattern.
Now, is this fear still useful? Does it really help you or is it overdone and holding you back?
It's abolsutely overdone, right?
Holding to that fear is what holds you back!
What you want is replace fear by confidence and eventually gain back trust in your own dating life.
The way to regain trust is to take small steps forward!
Lots of them!
You see that it's a challenge and you do it anyway.
Every time you see something that streches you a bit, instead of pulling back and hesitating, you take a step forward and go for it.
If you are challenged by the idea of intimacy with men for instance, you don't need to go and have one night stands with total strangers.
You can engage in light intimacy more frequently.
See how it works?
That's how you master your fears and increase your dating power.
Same with relationships challenges...
You can actually take small affordable steps rather than responding to old fears.