Monday, January 18, 2010

Wrong timing! - ARTICLE

Suppose you are a career woman. You wake up early, get ready to go to work. Your partner has been fired 2 months ago. He feels quite unhappy about his situation.

Early morning, you get ready. He picks on you for something stupid. He wants to know why your ex needed to call last night. He gets jealous without reason. The real reason for him starting this conversation is the fact that he is workless for two months and is frustrated about it.

He has no control over his career right now and misses the challenge. In fact he has an excess of controlling energy (what he usually uses early morning to get ready to work) and does not know what to do with it. You happen to be around. He projects it on you.

Wrong time! Wrong move! He does not respect your space. He is clearly frustrated about his own situation.

Can you see the dynamics! It's so frustrating when this happens, isn't it? You wonder why on earth you need to have an argument early morning over something so insignificant.

The reason is simple: he has an excess of controlling energy. He does not know what to do with it. He is supposed to use it in a work context and instead, projects it on his partner (you!) for who he actually cares!

This is a destructive lack of skills and understanding. He needs to understand what is going on. He needs to understand the dynamics of his frustration.

There is an external pressure. He needs an income. He is not making it. He feels stressed because of it. It creates a power gap in his emotions. He feels powerless and vulnerable. He tries to gain back his power by bossing you around or controlling your space, connections or behaviors.

All this is happening for a reason.

What is your best reaction?

Here is what you can say:

"Look darling, I understand you concern but now is not a good time. I am preparing for work and need to leave in 5 minutes. I really want to hear what you have to say. Why don't we make a special moment tomorrow evening so that we can talk about it when we have time, okay? I guarantee you that I want to talk about it but not now..."

If he insists, be firm:

"Not now"

And move on with what you have to do.