Monday, January 18, 2010

What is wrong then? - ARTICLE

Fighting and competition happen within a context.

The main goal of your family, couple and relationship is to create love, harmony, peace and complicity.

The goal is to create a secure base of love and harmony.

A reasonable dose of challenge, fight and competition is not only needed, it is healthy.

However, when you fight too much, you bring the couple's equilibrium out of balance.

You stay in the competitive or fighting mood all the time, which destroys your couple's emotional foundation.

You and your couple need space to rest.

After a day of work, you usually want to come back into a home where there is peace, not fight.

Fight and competition already happen with work and business.

This is where you express your conquering power most of the times simply to make a living.

Working is like a modern version of hunting.

In the origins of humankind, you would go hunting to eat.

You would fight for territory and shelter.

Nowadays, we still compete on a business ground.

The main goal of business and work is first to provide food and shelter for you and your family.

All the extras come after. If you had just enough money to survive, you would first get food and find shelter.

The couple or family space has another goal:

It is a nurturing environment where you are supposed to relax.

When you fight with your partner, you stay in the "conquering mode".

You attack and challenge each other.

The result?

You can't relax.

You can't find peace.

Tension builds up and you simply create ongoing "fighting" patterns in your home.