Imagine that you are in a relationship.
Your partner cheats one time or many times.
You decide to break up.
They come back to you and begs to give them another chance.
Should you go with it?
When they cheat, you are back to the starting point: non-committed, non-exclusive.
If you are already married with children and house it's obviously different than if you are simply in a committed relationship.
The first step is to test.
Find out if they truly mean what they say.
If they had the opportunity to reconnect with an ex or have a one night stand with a casual date, would they truly "reject" it.
Dare to face the facts.
Cheating and infidelity are a wake up call.
It tells you that something is missing or incomplete.
Jumping back in your relationship without learning from it could be a mistake, because you will usually end up reproducing the same behavior patterns.
The goal is first to find out what happened and why it happened.
Get real answers and dare to face the facts, no matter what they are.
Denial does not work. Playing “blind” is not an option either.
You want to unveil the real underlying dynamics of your relationship and if you want to give it another chance, shift key dynamics, attitudes and the way you relate to each other.
This is essential! Having your partner begging you on your front door is usually not enough.
It does not shift anything.
It sends a healthy message of regret but does not prevent this type of situation from happening again in the future.
There are basically four roads you can take:
· Total and absolute break up - 0% contact
· Semi break up - You keep interacting and sometimes even have sex but the committed relationship is over.
· Open relationship - You accept the idea of sexual openness and basically go for an open relationship. This works both ways.
· Fix your relationship - You fix whatever is missing in your marriage or relationship. You dare to ask each other key questions and use this experience as a way of empowering the complicity between the two of you.
If you take him back, it usually means that you go for the last option.
It takes real work, understanding and behavior changes to go for this option successfully. Doing what it takes means investing at least 3 months of your time to fix key relationship issues.
You get professional help with a coach or therapist.
You dig in your relationship's foundation and reshape the way you both stand in this.
If you make it your top priority for 1 to 3 months, I believe you can achieve incredible shifts you will remember for the rest of your life.
Now, you need a serious commitment on both sides.
This could be the most transforming experience your couple goes through.