Sunday, January 17, 2010

Relationship feed back – How to make it work - ARTICLE

Relationship feed back is a powerful way to stay tuned on each other.

It is the perfect way to share ideas on what works and what doesn’t in you relationship.

You can give feed back to your partner.

They can give you feed back.

You can as well give them feed back on your own attitudes and behaviors and tell them about what you believe works or doesn’t work for you.

You can as well give impersonal feed back and say things like:

“I feel we have been doing really well lately. I am happy to see how we managed to deal with this challenge. It definitely works for me. What about you?”

Sometimes, you’ll ring an alarm bell when you notice for instance that you are growing apart for some reason:

“I noticed that lately, something has been coming between us. Not sure exactly what it is. I guess we are both very busy and we didn’t really have time for each other. Do you feel the same? What can we do about it?”

You can share feed back “formally” or “informally”.

Formally means that you “set up a meeting and a specific time” to talk about your relationship.

In my opinion, this works really well if what you want to share is sensitive and requires true attention.

For instance, this would work if you need to share anything about challenges on your sex life or a specific point that irritates you.

Check the chapter on how to create a “forum space” for more on that.

When you give feed back informally, you simply go with the flow and use existing opportunities to share what is there.

Be very careful with this.

If you prefer giving feed back informally, be aware of timing. It is not a good idea to give challenging feed back when they are not expecting it or busy with something else.

Don’t interrupt them.

Instead, find a moment which is suitable for both of you: an evening when you both have time or a moment in the week end.

For instance, as you come out of the movies one evening, you can say: “I really liked what you did in there. What you said really touched me”.

Be subtle with feed back.

Don’t overdo it.

If you tell them something challenging, give them space to digest it and think about what they wants to do with it.

Wait at least a week before you ask them again or mention this topic again.