Sunday, January 17, 2010

Keep evolving to stay together - ARTICLE

One key to stay together is to keep evolving together.

One reason couples tend to split is because the relationship becomes limiting.

You might reach the limits of what you could explore together.

When you decide to change something in your life, you frequently face your partner’s resistance.

They tend to tease you on your new ideas and might discourage you from taking steps.

Why do they resist?

Because your impulsion to change forces them to change as well.

If you change, they need to evolve with you.

Change requires energy.

It challenges what already exists.

This is why they tend to resist change.

You might respond in a similar way when your partner suggests something new.

It might challenge your comfort zone.

On you might be open for it and encourage your partner to take new steps.

Suppose they say something like:

“Look honey, I am sick of my day job! Remember this business opportunity I told you about a year ago? I think I am ready for it…”

What would be your reaction?

· Fear?

· Trust?

If you feel fear, you’ll say:

“I know you are unhappy but I make sacrifices as well. We need the income and I don’t see how we could make it if you go for this business idea. It will take 3 years before you make a solid income! How will we survive???”

You might even take it one step further and give them an ultimatum:

“If you go that way, I am done with us!”

On the other hand, if you feel trust, you will say:

“I know it is a risk, but I fully trust you. I want you to be happy and I encourage you to go for it. You have everything it takes to succeed. I know you will make it!”

What happens?

Two possible reactions.

Two radically different dynamics.

None of these dynamics is right or wrong. They can both work.

When you discourage them to take steps, it might be a very wise move on your side.

They could be following a pipe dream with little chances of success.

Now, imagine the reaction that your response creates in them.

If you say “No” and they decide to let it go, they might build up resentment.

Resentment could turn into tension between the two of you.

Tension might turn into fight: “You never believe in me!”

Can you see how it works?

The goal is simple: be able to manifest renewal power in your couple without putting it at risk.

These evolution lines are not fixed.

If you systematically stop change, you might asphyxiate each other’s need to keep on evolving.

Renewal forces are powerful.

You can’t stop them.

They are part of your instinctual nature.

They are at play everywhere all the time.

The goal is to work with the renewal forces rather than against them.

This means change.

This means challenge.

The key to stay together is to keep evolving while being together.

The moment you stop evolving, nature finds a way to break stands in the way.

Read this last sentence again.

This is exactly what happens when you break up.

Your relationship becomes limiting for one or both partners.

It can happen to you. It can happen to your partner.

If they break up, they need space.

It means they can’t get this space within the relationship.

Sometimes their demands might be unacceptable.

They might suggest an open relationship while you want sexual exclusiveness.

That’s a deal breaker.

However, many couple split when they could evolve together.

You evolve because you change together.

The key is to stay open and trust.

You can renew your couple space by consciously inviting change in your relationship.

You can do this by:

· Responding to new opportunities

· Having time off from your partner

· Being spontaneous with him

· Developing an empowering sense of trust

· And more…

You have dozens of ways to invite change in your relationship.

Change means renewal. As long as the relationship and the two of you keep evolving, “nature is satisfied”.

There are forces at play which go far beyond your own will power.

To make it work, you need to work with the forces of nature rather than against them.