Sunday, January 17, 2010

Is it okay to educate your partner? - ARTICLE

Yes!!! It is okay to educate your partner.

True! People can sometimes do or say the wrong thing because they don't know better.

It usually signals a lack of skills.

When it comes to relationships, you can't expect everyone to get it right from the first time.

Sometimes, you will start doing things in a certain way without realizing it does not actually work for your partner.

It can be anything:

· Using humor at the wrong moment

· Social behaviors

· Use of words

· Life goals and life vision

· Attitudes in your sex life

· Etc.

Rather than building up resentment about something you don't like, you can reach out to your partner and educate them on how to please you better or simply be a better partner.

It works both ways.

The moment you start educating them, you have to accept the fact that they might as well come with a new behavior suggestion for you.

It is okay!

In fact it is perfect!

It is a great way to keep the relationship growing and expanding in a healthy way.

The question now is: how do you get your message through?

The answer is simple:

You want to create a “forum space” for your relationship.

You want to periodically check with each other if there are aspects of your relationship which could be improved.

The moment you create a safe environment conductive for sharing of ideas, you set up the course for long term complicity in your relationship.

You can share these ideas formally or informally.

What matters is that you stand together and create synergy within your relationship.

What you suggest to your partner has nothing to do with getting things your way.

It is not about your will against their will.

It is truly about giving them tips, suggestions and ideas to become better at what they do.

Call it “relationship feed back”.

Now, you both need to agree that it’s okay to give each other feed back and learn how to do that.

In a relationship, you tend to be naturally defensive when it comes to any form of remark or "criticism".

This is not criticism: it is feed back.

For this to work, feed back has to be positive as well.

You not only point out directions and aspects of your relationship which could be improved, you as well tell them when they get it right.

If you keep on pointing to negative aspects, they'll soon get the feeling that they get it all wrong all the time.

If they does something right, tell them!

Say something like:

"You know, the other day, I love what you said to your friends about us."

After a while, you will notice that maybe most feed back will actually be positive feed back.

This will be the sign that your relationship is growing and blossoming.

Positive feed back means that you take time to celebrate each other's qualities.

Enjoy your couple!