Irritation is the real challenge. This is where it often starts.
Suppose you start a fight without a reason.
The trigger will often be that you feel irritated by one of your partner’s actions, ideas, beliefs or attitudes.
Have you experienced it?
Irritation happens because your mind is invaded by an idea or energy you don’t like.
Irritation is the result of an attack on your mind. Irritation is the way your emotions react to this attack.
Attack is a strong word but the mechanism is always the same: Something challenges your emotional space.
Because you live together, you partner has greater access to your emotions.
When you stand on a common ground, this sharing of energies creates love and happiness. When you stand on different grounds and have different ideas, attitudes or behaviors, your emotional body is challenged.
Irritation is like a flame burning you on the surface of your mind.
When you feel irritated, you want one thing: space!!!
You want to fight back.
Do you recognize the pattern?
You come back from a party. Your partner is driving. He makes an insignificant comment over one of the guests. It irritates you. And you respond in an aggressive way. He attacks you back and that’s it!
The self destructive spiral takes over and you end having a big argument over something insignificant.
The real reason why you fight is because your minds are clashing. Deep inside you disagree on an energy level. You are simply not in tune.
What to do about it?
You have two possible strategies to handle such situation:
· The first strategy is to use this trigger to grow apart. Irritation is the visible part of something deeper. Maybe you wanted to break up a long time ago. He is on your way for you achieving your dreams. Your irritation is simply your way of expressing a deeper frustration. You can listen to your need and create space or even break up. Listen to your deeper needs and do something about it.
· The second strategy is to empower your relationship. This means stimulating the binding force, learning to communicate better, letting go of little things, etc. This means that you develop new relationship skills to help you tackle irritation.
Can you see how this works?
Let’s focus on these two strategies.