Why does my husband always get mad at me when I express my anger? This usually happens with one of our children. I admit that I usually let my anger build and then explode. But then my husband, who has sat passively by during the whole situation saying or doing nothing, gets mad at me for how I express myself.
The goal here is to share responsibilities. You seem to do all the work in educating the children and he steps back. You reach however a point when the pressure is too high and anger simply bursts out.
The moment your burst is the sign that you already went too far.
In fact, the real challenge is about parenting strategies: how to educate or discipline your children and the responsibility you two share on that.
You want to be together on that.
This is why it is essential to sit down with your partner and design disciplining strategies together which do work.
You want his support with that. You need to be accomplices.
This is why you want to sit down and find solutions together.
Arrange a meeting to talk about it. Ask him questions like: "okay, the other day, X (your son or daughter) was doing ..., what do you feel we should do about it."
You won't find solutions unless you talk about it.
You are on a common ground and what you want to reinforce is your complicity. You will achieve this the moment you sit down and establish dialogue.
Merely emotionally reacting to your partner is not good enough. You want a more solid ground for your relationship. You want to establish dialogue and design strategies together.