Sunday, January 17, 2010

How to manifest change in your couple - ARTICLE

One of the key mistakes you can do when establishing dialogue is to forget to give each other space.

Suppose you had a 30 min discussion one day on a topic. You need to step back and give him space to respond in his own time.

If you repeat the message every day or "catch him by surprise", he'll react in a negative way. He will feel attacked and will defend "his territory"

Once you give him a message within a forum space, step back and give him time to respond.

If you notice no change, wait at least one to two weeks before you follow up on what you discussed.

Suppose for instance that he spends too much time at work and ends up coming later and later home in the evenings.

You have a one time discussion about this within your “forum space” and then step back.

It takes time to implement changes. It might take him a couple of weeks to actually react on what you mentioned and shift his behavior.

He might have to talk with a boss or colleague at work about it. It might take him a month to build up strength and momentum to do something about it.

The key is to step back and give him space to respond.

A couple of weeks later, talk about it again within a forum space context and give him some feed back on what you feel.

Congratulate him on the steps he took if you see some positive changes.

For instance, if he actually changed his behavior and is now getting home an hour earlier then before, tell him:

"Whaou! I'm impressed. I can see the effort you put in coming home early. This really works with me. I can see how much you value what we have. I want to thank you again for listening to what I had to say..."

Acknowledging his positive changes makes him feel valued. It encourages him to take further action along the same line.