Monday, January 18, 2010

How to give each other space - ARTICLE

If you realize you want space, the challenge is actually to create that space.

When you have been living together for months or years, you get used to each other’s presence.

You create a comfort zone.

Even when you fight with your partner, your fighting is still within your “comfort zone”.

It means that you are familiar with this “emotional environment”.

Giving each other space or breaking up is something different.

You usually step into the unknown.

If you are used of going out together on Saturday night but know it always ends with a fight, it takes courage and determination to go for something different.

You can spend the evening apart and go out with your own friends for instance.

You can decide to stay at home and let your partner go out by himself.

This is the real challenge. It works to give each other space. It is healthy to spend some time apart and have time “off” in a relationship.

If something tells you it is not right, delete this idea right now. What is not right is to spend your time fighting when you could have a fine evening on your own. Dare to do it. Dare to take distance.

You do this by taking a small step. Just one time, say something like: “I won’t go this time. Go by yourself. I prefer staying at home and calling a couple friends…”

Try it out! This works and it can save your relationship.

The common belief is that people who love each other should be able to be always together. Wrong!!! 100% wrong!

The fact that you are not together one evening does not mean that you don’t love each other.

It means that you give space to your own individual integrity.

When you get into a relationship, you don’t stop existing as an individual.

Nature maintains your individual integrity.

Now, sometimes you individual identity needs to be fed. You need to reconnect with who you are when your partner is not around.

This is why you need time apart: to reconnect with yourself and to empower your own individual emotional foundation.

When you get extremely irritated by your partner, it is the sign that your own individual identity is falling apart.

Having time for yourself will give you what you need and empower your individuality again.

This is super healthy!

When you come back to each other and share time again with your partner, you know it is because you want it, not because of a simple habit.

You function better when you are strong as individuals and as a couple.

If having time apart feels really good, my advice is simple:

Get more of it!

Don’t force yourself in spending time with your partner if you don’t want to.

If you want your own place, go and get it!!!

Don’t believe that you have to stay in a relationship which does not fulfill your needs.

If it’s freedom and total autonomy you want, go and get it!

It is your right! It is your life!

Dare to break up if this is where this takes you.