You establish dialogue by thinking win-win!
You shift from a "win-loose" model and start thinking in win-win! All the time!
Your relationship is about a victory for the two of you! When you sit down and talk, you say things like:
· "How can we make this work?"
· "What do you feel we can do about it?"
· "I believe we are worth it!"
All these expressions are the reflection of a mind set. It is a way of thinking. This way of thinking has one target: to win!
This is not about you or him winning. This is about your relationship winning!
When you fight, it is truly your relationship which is under attack. You want to bring in new power to secure your relationship's emotional foundation.
Your relationship has a "spirit".
The spirit of the relationship is the binding force.
When you get married, you invoke a binding force to strengthen and empower your relationship.
Dialogue works in the same way. Speech is a binding force. It is a powerful exchange which sends out one simple message:
We stand in this together!