Monday, January 18, 2010

He doesn’t want to commit - ARTICLE

If you want to get married and your partner wants to stay free, this can of course be a major source of tension.

You might see profound differences in the way you look at life.

A mature relationship allows differences of opinion.

However, when it comes to such fundamental choice, this can be a deal breaker for your couple.

Here is what you can do:

Sit down and really listen to each other.

You might discover that the disagreement you have has to do with timing, finances or unspoken fears.

Very often partners actually do agree on most of what they share but a practical detail turns them off.

A simple discussion could unveil the real source of tension and give you a simple way to solve it.

A strategy I invite you to try is to give up on marriage for a few weeks and observe how it feels.

You might be surprised to see that the moment you give up, it might trigger in him the exact opposite desire and need for higher commitment.

You can say something like:

“Ok! I’ll give up for now. I always thought I wanted to get married but who knows, maybe I will enjoy a higher level of freedom and this non-committed thing after all. Let’s try that, see how it works for us.”

If he sees you enjoying your freedom and a more non committed attitude, he might suddenly realize how much he’s ready to be with you for life.

You don’t need to give up forever. Simply try this relationship “posture” for 3 months and express your freedom.

If after in depth sharing it is clear that he will never change his mind and that you can’t either, your relationship hits a solid road block.

It shows that your relationship visions are too different to make it work.