Monday, January 18, 2010

Fight triggers - ARTICLE

When you fight, you tend to intrude on you partner's territory.

You stop trusting them and push them to change, act or do something differently.

The moment this happens, it is a lost cause from the very start.

Why is that?

Because you believe there is something wrong with your partner or their actions.

The moment you partner yells back at you, it is already because they feel cornered, attacked or challenged.

The family or relationship space is supposed to be an environment which is secure and in harmony.

The moment they feel attacked, they do respond:

"Give me a break! Give me space! I have been working the whole day and now, I want to relax"

The situation can be different but what they says is always the same:

"Give me space. I don't want to deal with this right now".

This is a defensive move, right?

Is it justified?

Yes! 100% yes!

You are in a home.

A home is a protected space.

It is a place where you want to feel safe.

Sometimes your partner simply does not have the energy to face extra challenges or demands.

You can talk about what you want but don't catch him by surprise.

Create a special moment and say what you feel rather than talking about what they do or not do.

This process is described further in the chapter how to establish dialogue.