When you fight, you express your power.
Fighting is your best shot at expressing what you want.
The reason you fight is because it is the only alternative you see to express what you want.
Fighting is an emotional reflex.
Now, when you have extra power, confidence and stronger emotional foundation fighting might not even be needed any more.
Imagine your life as a territory.
When someone invades this territory, you fight back to defend it.
Now, imagine creating a fence around this territory.
The fence will play the protective role and you will be able to give your sword a good rest, right?
Suppose you are a woman and your boyfriend systematically challenges you when you come back home.
It can be anything: jealousy issues, accumulated tensions, overspending, etc.
Suppose for instance that you did spend 200$ on a piece of furniture he sees as useless.
He attacks you on that. You fight.
Now, imagine that you are extra confident and you know you did the right thing.
You’ll simply answer something like:
“I won’t fight over this. It used my own money and I know I did the right thing. Now, I had a long day at work and this evening I want to relax and hold you in my arms. Do you feel we are worth it?”
This is a clear statement.
You have protective fences of power and inner confidence which protect your personal space and actions.
He can’t reach you!
You are invincible! J
There are a few elements which can immensely empower the way you stand in your relationship:
· Some financial autonomy.
· Your own business, work or successful career.
· A strong circle of friends and connections.
· Satisfaction with the place you live in.
· Good health and high energy.
· Sexual satisfaction.
· Life vision, goals and exciting perspectives.
· Free time.
These are about personal fulfillment and life power in your life.
If there is an important area in your life that you don’t really “own”, it can create a big power gap.
The fights and struggle you face with your partner can be the reflection of this gap.
You might for instance feel frustrated with your career and project this on your partner and relationship.
Can you see how this works?
Extra power and satisfaction give you the feeling of “ownership” over your life.
If you see an essential aspect of your life which is not fulfilled, do something about it.
This will ease the tensions between you and your partner.
This works both ways of course.
Sometimes you see your partner aggressing you over something insignificant. You know your relationship is fine.
He might simply be facing some heath challenges or be trapped in some tensions at work.
The best way to solve this is dialogue.
Say something like:
“Look. I know we are fine and there is no reason for use o fight over something so insignificant. I can see that the real tension has to do with your colleague at work. Why don’t we talk about the real source of tension? I want to help you with that.”
Extra power is a quality you want to manifest in your relationship.
Harmony with your partner is intimately dependent on how much power you have to protect the territory of your relationship.
There are three areas where your relationship can gain extra power:
Your relationship’s foundation
If you discover a gap, do something about it.
Check your own life first. This is the area where you might be more likely to have the most direct impact.
Take steps to empower your own personal foundation.